I gotta agree with my partner on this one. I'm a firm believer in free will. I think it's the greatest gift you have as a human in departments such as your lifestyle, choices you make, money, sexuality, and particularly your religion. You have one shot here on Earth and I say do whatever the fuck you want with your fleetingly short time here. In fact, be something I'll totally make fun of, like being a man who takes another guy's dick up his ass.
You're a fag, dude. I'd rather piss on you than listen your accurate directions even if I'm lost in your city. I hate you. However, I acknowledge it is your choice to smear shit on another guy's cock while your manliness gets stripped from you, and I also realize it's your choice to have balls---hairy, shaved or otherwise---slap you in the nose while listening to Scissor Sisters in Surround Sound. Ultimately, it's your choice, and despite what I say, I respect it.
See, so when people tell me I can't smoke in a particular area, I snarl, and that's just the physical repercussions. That's just what you can see. You're not privy to how my brain imaginarily twists your vertebra so tightly that your eyeballs look like softballs on a hangover. You non-smoking, vegan assholes, plant the trees, save a horse ride a cowboy mother fuckers already took the restaurants, lobbies, libraries, city hall . . . now you're trying to take all bars here in Milwaukee. Give us respectable sinners a goddamn fuckin' break.
Ya know, and they always say, "Second hand smoke is the worst of all." Awwwww, the waterworks. How sweet. Well call J.T. and cry me a fucking river, baby.
Bitch, don't be stupid. How the hell is the smoke coming directly out of my lungs worse for you when mine have already basically filtered it the best they could? What-the-fuck-ever. See, that's the problem with mammals that walk upright: people are always trying to project their own values on others, and it seems one of the big tearjerkers for yuppie dicks is that us smokers should quit because we're killing ourselves as well as all of you pearly gate goers.
So I'll say it again. SMOKING CIGARETTES SAVES LIVES! They really do, because what you dickweeds don't realize is the amount of stress this Marlboro Menthol Ultra Light relives in me and that Winston relieves in my partner, hence us not flipping out and becoming nothing less than local serial killers trying to avenge the word 'reasonable,' which you political cocksuckers are being very, very un.
Some people collect thimbles, and other knit as a hobby. Well, some of us fucking smoke, and if ya don't like it, go save a fucking dolphin, already. Since they're so goddamn smart they should realize that you truly, madly, and deeply care. In fact, that's a good idea. If you hate smoking so much, take a vacation into the ocean. Hell, go snorkeling on Friday and stay the weekend down there, assholes. No one will consider you sunken treasure, believe me.
By the way, I eat cows, recycle rarely, masturbate, slap stupid women, and drink enough alcohol by last call to quench a parched platoon in the Mojave. Then that very same night I drive home while listening to satanic music as I exhale tobacco and wish I had more middle fingers for ya . . . Then I wake up and decide what to do tonight.
So . . . go ahead and try to stop all that. You might be able to run me into a closet, have me turn out the lights and close the blinds in order to smoke my cigarette, but I'll always be a fucking prick to your kind in public and here in fantasy land. And you can't strip neither of those from me . . . Something that has to do with the First Amendment, I think. You guys aren't going after that, too, are ya? Heh.
Active advocate of free will ----> Z.
E-mail:embittered@catharticlament.com
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