Are you ever in a Hallmark store or looking through cards at your local grocery and think, 'Jesus fucking Christ, there's not one card I can find that says what I really need it to say?'
Yea, I'm sick of that shit, too; so tired, in fact, I should open my own online greeting card store.
I wanted to get this one stripper a card to tell her how she was failing in life, therewith the pimp, drugs, letting customers feel her pussy and then having the AUDACITY TO FLIRT WITH ME, but I could find nothing, and goddammit, I have too much money to not be able to get what I want in life . . . so, I said, "fuck it" and came up with my own greeting cards.
The day catharticlament.com has a "store" you can bet your fucking sweet ass I'll be printing these up. I got cards for all stripper occasions, too. Check it:
Let's say I'm a stripper whore and I'm seeing a new guy. He might be completely oblivious as to how I handle my personal relationships, so it's best (if I'm a stripper) to give it to him straight after the first week:
Or let's say I'm a stripper and the middle of June is rapidly approaching. I don't exactly want to spend any of my hard-earned cock-grinding cash on my father, so since I'm a glorified whore, I wanna get him a card:
Or maybe I'm NOT a stripper, but I still feel sorry for her, and rather than buy her a bottle of liquor, there's a sentiment that could only be expressed by someone else's thoughts:
Hell, my store will have everything you need. For instance, let's say you're a veteran stripper and you want to make a novice within the club you work feel welcomed. I have the perfect card:
Shit, maybe you work security/bartender/deejay and you really care about a stripper who tells you her mom is sick in Philadelphia or something ridiculous like that, therefore she's going to be out of work for a few weeks. Fuckin' give her one of my personally made gift cards:
Now, you could be dating a stripper, fucked her six ways from Sunday while tolerating most of her bullshit and now it's time to dump her before you catch a case. Well, I've considerately thought of you guys, too:
Don't forget, my stripper Hallmark store will cater to pole dancers during the holidays as well.
Ever work with a dumb stripper who has had the same piece of shit man in her life for years and he's typically incarcerated, therefore making you wonder why she loves this specific loser? I'm here for you:
Maybe your stripper girl is a dirty whore (did I just say 'maybe?') Feeling some discomfort down there now that you've fucked her raw? Who's got your back?
How about those "over the hill" strippers. Ya know, everyone in the club talks shit behind their backs because they're still on the pole assuming they're sexy. Probably close to being a grandmother if they're not already. Well, my stripper Hallmark store has got it covered:
What about all those single mother strippers who already have a kid? Those poor children have no idea. My store can help these whores tell the truth to their kids. Here's a fine example:
