See that shit? That's right. It's the fucking face of Nazi zombies coming to rip your shit up.
After work when most others are trying to gather people to go smoke weed, I'm hitting up some
Zombies. Some chick wants to go out to breakfast, merely hinting she wants to blow me afterwards, I'm hitting up some
Zombies while that bitch can die in her own Hell. I've even told people after they requested my presence, "Sorry, can't come. I have to go rid the online, virtual world of post mortem infection." I mean, how could one not?
Let me tell you something: fuck
World of Warcraft, fuck
Halo,
Tekken,
Need For Speed,
Guitar Hero 2 or 5 . . .
Nazi Zombies is where it's at.
Constantly shredding the heads of zombies with a fully automatic weapon is so goddamn intense that I don't think my sweet-ass girlfriend could deter me from the television by placing her lips upon my penis and suggesting I put the controller down so she could suck a load out of my nuts. Yes,
Nazi Zombies kicks so much ass that oral sex has become an afterthought. I mean, time will tell if she blows me
while playing
Zombies but I don't expect it.
And with shit going on such as this:
What the fuck would I care, anyway? Look at that shit! Fucking blood and limbs and skull flying everywhere! It's a mother fucking massacre in my house every day with
Nazi Zombies. And yet . . .
Having a fulfilling time with
Nazi Zombies is certainly dependent upon your online partners, though. I don't know about Playstation, Wii or PC, but on Xbox, you're basically thrown into a lobby with 3 strangers, some of whom might or might not have a fucking microphone, and if they don't, you might as well place a strand of dental floss in your peehole, close your eyes and rip it like chainsaw because you're fucked.
I've also learned that playing with British people allows you to die at earlier levels if you're striving for failure. That's no fucking surprise since English people fail at everything, but apparently at the forefront of failure is parenthood because these bloody wankers on Xbox Live have been taught by people who are severely fucking stupid. They remind me of Mexicans or Blacks here in the States:
I don't know what the fuck this really means, but Black people wielding a gun in a video game must be something completely different from shooting people in person, because Negros are as dumb in co-op as they are in person. I can't fucking play with Blacks, English people or kids under the age of 12 because it just ends up being a fuck story in a game of
Zombies. They don't know where they're going in the level, they don't know how to stick with the group or more commonly, go off on some Rambo-like mission and need to be revived sooner than the other players. I play
Zombies with my girlfriend and she does better split-screen than most of these humps on Xbox Live, and I'm talking about a woman actually doing something correctly in life like pumping virtual bullets into many, many zombie heads . . . and that might be a small part as to why I love her.
Assuming you're playing with people whose collective IQ trumps the waistline of Ricki Lake in inches,
Zombies is the most intense shooting experience I've ever encountered. Hordes of undead constantly run at your fucking head and it's up to you and your MG-42, Browning or Ray Gun to keep those flesh-eating maggots at a distance. Real pimps use the PTRS sniper rifle and just pick zombies off far or near because of how awesome it is to see their heads explode - - - blood and limbs flying everywhere. Constantly the zombies try to attack and the player does all he can to pump them full of lead, just hoping every other person on the four-person squad is holding up their own at keeping zombies from coming in the windows, through the door or dropping down from a platform. It's complete chaos after level 20, which then turns into a horizontal rain of bullets and grenades, shooting, reloading, shooting, grenades, knifing a zombie in the fucking head, shooting some more, CONSTANTLY. Fucking awesome.
It's not often I speak highly of something on this Website. I could have been a total dick and threw some shit up like:
