There's this stripper I know who loves to eat meat, who we will call Trixie, and she loves to eat my meat, to be more specific. There are a multitude of reasons I cannot date Trixie or naturally I'd be locking that shit down, in-house-pussy style due to how much she loves my corndog in her throat. And pussy, for that matter, but here we're strictly focusing on some kind of chemical that must release some "Z-exclusive" endorphins in her brain once my dick enters her salivating mouth---
Vitamin Z, if you will.
A real good girl, I must say, and a persistent little stripper I'd also like to add.
Trixie had been wanting to suck it for a while, so one night I got drunk and called her up after work and told her I'd finally let her. Now, since there's a good chance she'll read this at some point, I'm not going to come out and call her a cocksucking whore, because . . . well, I'm likely going to want her to suck it again at some point, and when I say "some point," I mean next week---So like I said, a REALLY good girl.
I think it was the 2nd time she sucked it that's the most memorable thus far, and it is a tale worth telling.
I asked Trixie if I could record our felatio session with my camcorder because I'm certainly one to make the memories, and either she likes me that much or she's simply that sort of girl because Trixie said I could indeed record her slobbing on my knob. I thought it was funny, actually, because I've only done that sort of shit inside a relationship and have found even those girls I've been committed to had some hesitation, but like I said, Trixie is a really good, meat-eating girl.
Well, being that there aren't any rock hard feelings exchanged in my "relationship" with Trixie or anything resembling exclusivity now or ever in this lifetime, I took the video to the other strip club I work at and showed it to my friend, Michelle, who for some reason likes to watch every bit of porn I can throw her way from my personal, homemade collection.
Michelle chuckled at the video, got mildly turned on and she commented on how Trixie lunched on my kielbasa really good and whatnot, so later on in the week I deemed it appropriate to bring Trixie into the club to meet Michelle on one of my off-nights.
So there we were, Trixie and I, seated at the bar and Michelle was bartending. I got my buzz on and finally withdrew my finger from Trixie's pussy and said to her, in front of Michelle, "So I showed Michelle our video. It seems we're a hit and you might have missed your calling at eating meat on camera."
Trixie laughed, not even embarrassed or anything, like the good girl she is. "Ohhh, wow. Bustin' me out, hey?" Trixie said, then looked at Michelle. "So how was it?"
"I thought it was A-plus work, girl. You sucked his cock like it was going outta style! I gotta say, I was turned on. I feel as if I should buy you a shot. Come on, what'cha havin'?"
Trixie laughed proudly. "Awww thanks, Michelle. But I'll just have another soda. I don't like to drink."
"Yea," I inserted, "Lately she only likes to drink my cum, which is fine with me."
Awkward? Not really. Not when ya roll with me. Anyway . . .
We'd been groping each other and sucking each other's tongues and whatnot so much throughout the evening, and I'd consumed an ample amount of vodka to the point where I deemed it appropriate to throw Trixie up on the unfamiliar stage after bar-close and watch her strip naked, where I, without hesitation, licked her asshole clean as Michelle watched. I mean, Michelle is like my best friend and knows what a fucking pig I am so I didn't care and neither did she, especially after having already watched me get a blow-job on camera from this girl. And Trixie didn't care either, to be honest, so she got about ten singles out of me and some analilingus; no biggie.
Shortly thereafter Trixie and I went back to my house, and because of my vodka-addled cranium and our varied sexual advances at the bar, I was hornier than 4 Mexicans at a donkey show so it didn't take but three minutes for me to undress, lie down in my bed and grab the camcorder. Trixie started eating my meat with maximum passion, loving that I was filming her for round 2 of my
cockumentary. She looked up into my eyes sporadically, and sometimes into the camera lens while keeping her wet lips wrapped around my shaft. It wasn't difficult to spot as the minutes went on: Trixie would smile a bit with my cock in her mouth with minimal scathing ramifications, because as I've previously stated, she's just a good girl like that.
Now, here's the greatest part.
Somewhere around minute 9 or 10 of filmmaking, I have no idea what Trixie was thinking nor do I care because it's so awesome, but Trixie, while knowing the camcorder was rolling six inches from her head, popped up off my cock, looked at the camera, smiled and excitingly proclaimed, "Hi, Michelle!" assuming Michelle was going to eventually see the video currently filming---what a good girl, I tell ya!
I zoomed out as to catch Trixie waving as well. Afterwards she went right back to sucking my cock as if nothing happened, where I naturally began to laugh and couldn't stop for a solid thirty seconds. Trixie chuckled a little bit, still keeping my dick in her hand as she kept asking, "What? What's so funny?"
"Nothing, baby. You just keep doing what you're doing. You are a goddamn rockstar, that's all I can say," I said as I redirected the camcorder back to my dick in her mouth.
I imagine I came in her hand/mouth within the next seven minutes, I dunno. To be sure I'd have to check the tape, but what I do know is that Trixie left somewhere around 3:00 A.M., went home, and sometime within the next twelve hours, shamelessly kissed her boyfriend on the mouth as if I didn't even exist, which I have absolutely no problem with.
Now you, the reader, can wonder what in the hell is a stripper cheating on her man for and go ahead and call Trixie a cocksucking whore, but I won't because like I said, she's a real good girl. :)
And I'm sure you, the reader, would love to know why I'm fucking around with some stripper who has a boyfriend, but then we'd be getting off the point of this fine, fine post, of which I thought of a couple phenomenal transitional sentences for this juncture of, but I couldn't decide between:
A. "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? Well it's because we all should buy a cow in at least one way, along with chickens and pigs and every other fucking meat we can get our greedy, little hands on and tear it apart with our carnivorous mouths, digest the meat and finally shit it out so that integral part of the food chain here on Earth can run its natural cycle."
OR
B. "I'm a man and I love blow-jobs. Any chick who doesn't put a man-sausage in her mouth makes me wonder how she thinks she can get away with being vegan and still have a love life . . . or any life at all worth living. Vegetarians in all forms piss me off, come to think of it."
So, essentially you can pick a transition and we'll move on to the point of this post, which is vegetarians and their wacky ways and not, in fact, another rambling about my dick.
Vegetarians are fucking stupid.
It's a cow!
It's a fucking moronic mammal just waiting for the chance to be carved, so just eat it and shut the fuck up!
I mean, how dumb is this:
A woman is out with her friends one fine evening at some pub that happens to have a grill. The rest of her volleyball buddies order chicken strips, chicken wings, three cheeseburgers with salsa fries, the pork chop sandwich that tastes like ass and one bitch orders a BLT because she's watching her calories.
Whatever.
Then you, the fucking herbivore jousts up some verbal nonsense to the unbecoming waitress that you'll "just have the salad." A guilt-free choice vociferated in front of your 'friends' because you need to prove a point that animals have feelings and shit.
"It's a bloody massacre! Listen to me. I have seven cats right now, and three dogs that have died in my lifetime, so I believe animals shouldn't be treated this way!"
Unbeknownst to you, the chicken that you've passed up could only be thinking one thing:
Well, of course it wants you to eat its cunt because otherwise the mother fucking bird would just be bouncing around for months on end in a cage, pecking at seed and wondering why it's traipsing around in its own shit!
It has nothing else to do, I promise. Outside of eggs, the only other way we could benefit from a chicken is by using it as some sort of bloody compass in a drinking game. I imagine we set up a kiddie pool that's void of water, but rather has bottles of various liquors spread apart. College guys with no pussy on tonight's agenda could cut a chicken's head off, place it in the center and let the fucker run around till it passes out and dies, and wherever it lands is what the next guy has to take a shot of. If the headless chicken knocks the bottle over, ooops, frat boy has to take two, no biggie. I'm guessing this fine Friday evening looks something like this:
This drinking game works out especially well for Sunday's barbecue, as well---everybody wins, bitch.
Look, outside of "just suck my dick, baby," let me tell you vagina-wielding vegans something: There is a city in Alabama called Mobile, and there are still some deep-rooted Rednecks down there.
Yes, they are racist.
Yes, they don't shower often therefore smell like a decaying slab of Limburger cheese in 98-degree swamp water.
And yes, here in 2010 they still use old toilets as chairs around a campfire to rest as they swill.
But let me tell ya something else about those hillbillies:
They still fuck pigs. That's right: they fuck those pigs right up the butt.
I mean, they straight-up fuck pigs in the ass and consider it a successful orgasm. These men get down on their knees and rape pigs in the ass, and they walk around the next day like nothing happened just the same way your ex boyfriend or I nail a meat-eating stripper at 4 A.M. up here and get away with it.
It's awful. Such a shame.
But to the vegetarians, I have to ask ya, especially in instances such as this, is the pig better off alive and well than dead and eaten?
Well, if you guessed a cushy existence alive and well then you are . . .
Pigs.
Anyone who wouldn't eat bacon is a moron. Why? Because it tastes great! It's not like pigs have something better to do while they snort shit all day. Pigs are so fucking stupid, they shit in each other's bed then roll around in it, at which point they then foolishly lick another pig's asshole while wagging their curly tail as if they're happy about it. Now that's just fucking stupid. But what's even more stupid is some vegan frowning upon me for eating the swine because my eggs would seem a bit bland without a touch of porcine forfeiture.
What good is a pig anyway if WE AS HUMANS couldn't eat it?
Do ya think the son of a bitch has its own Starbucks or traces its heritage back in its free time? What if the prick kept a journal? Would that make a vegetarian happy? Would that make a vegan asshole in-tune with an animal's "feelings?"
HERE: ANY GIVEN PIG'S DIARY.
I hope your cat or dog is next, assholes.
You can always tell who the bleeding-heart chicks are out there. She has feline and canine hair everywhere in her apartment and at this juncture of the adoption of those furry shit factories, she's numb to hair floating onto her plate of food, yet still has trouble swallowing your load. What a stupid bitch.
Of course, then there are chicks who allow pets up on the kitchen counter because of that 'unconditional love' factor these glorified rats have for their master, and when I say "master" I mean "those whose ears have absolute vacancy in between." These women treat their pets like royalty, providing unlimited attention, treats, dog houses, cat bungalows or whatever the hell they're called, and even put clothes on their pet in those chilly winter months---which incidentally drives me to make improv jazz music by repeatedly slamming a bag of cats into a wall just to make a fucking fashion statement---but then these same broads gorge on fried chicken and cheeseburgers as if their cat or dog is somehow superior than poultry or bovine sustenance. I don't even want to get started on these hypocrites who are EVERYWHERE---Son of a bitch, some of these douche-bag humans share my bloodline for Christ's fucking sake.
Hey, I'm not saying I want Himalayan cats for dinner with Cocker Spaniel gravy, but the option would be nice without anyone thinking I'm weird.
In essence, here's how it all works, dipshits:
Quite simply, there's almost nothing more to argue about. I mean, if you wanna throw a Black or Mexican into that picture up there in place of a chicken or donkey, then I will listen to you. And I'm not being racist at all. I'm simply stating that the white man dominates every living thing on this fucking Earth---except the NBA---and everyone else should stop their bullshit because it's futile. That's all. :) Well wait . . . Blacks also dominate your state welfare plan, but we're getting off topic here. Fuck.
Ohh, who gives a shit. It's not like a Black gets this far down in a vegan post or even a Family Circus comic considering 42% of them can't read and 98% of them couldn't pass a fuckin' KFC without doing an illegal U-turn, so now is a great time to talk about the three things that strike fear into a Nigger's heart: a paternity test, a noose, and a job application.
Holy shit! That was so funny, I gotta take a moment to compose myself . . . . . . . . . . . Ok. Back to vegans here . . . Back on track --->
If you think there is something to feud about, then go choke on your tofu.
Nobody eats that shit because tofu is soft, bland, white, cheese-like food made from curdled soybean milk, and only dumb people eat shit that announces "soy" because anytime anyone simply thinks the word "soy" they actually grab their neck and feel the gag in their throat.
It's not real food, which makes it fake, therefore vegetarians are stupid.
I mean, I thought lemmings and strippers were equally deficient, but let me tell ya . . .
Vegetarians are
5 + u 9 1 d
I think that's it. The point got across that animals might be cute-n-shit, but they're all fucking stupid and should be consumed. It's a pretty simple theory of a biotic species: if you can't talk to it and/or can't fuck it, it's probably useless, so just eat it.
Just like retards.
Now, am I suggesting
rapists focus upon waterheads to blow their dick snot into and
cannibals pinpoint the nearest Down Syndrome baby and bust out the charcoal grill?
Well, kinda . . . Yea. But let's not get started on that or we'll be here all fuckin' night.
Oh, and . . .
